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1. |
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Every chocolate bar is unique
Except the one that are mass produced
By fascists to oppress the people
A tool of the pigs who steal our souls
And bury us in the horror
And stench of the battlefield
So that we will do their bidding
And purchase Hershey bars at Walgreens
Rise up – refuse to be a tool of the government
Rise up – don’t buy candy at the drug store
Jellybeans have been called
The top mechanism of suppressing
The will of otherwise intelligent individuals
Allowing us to be beaten down
Into submission to head out to Rite Aid
And buy the one pound bag
Of Brach’s jellybeans to put in an
Easter basket
Rise up – don’t be fooled
Rise up – quit buying the candy of your death
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2. |
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When it came right down to it, Todd was dumb
His arms were long, his toes were numb
From being out in the northern chill
Popping zits and popping pills
He ate the Atlantic ocean
For thanksgiving dinner
No one could ever accuse him
Of being a winner
Ziploc baggies full of dice
Left floating upon blocks of ice
Todd had a coloring book with pictures of dogs
He listened to albums by Costes and Smog
Chorus
Just because he wore a shirt
Some folks thought his mind was dirt
Todd knew some people who owned goats
He sold his kidney to buy a boat
Chorus
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3. |
Turd Eating Tom Cruise
01:27
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Creepy Tom Cruise munches on a petrified turd
It tastes like apple pie he thinks
Tom Cruise, all-American pimp
Tough action hero in space
He has a tattoo of L.Ron Hubbard’s face on his dick
His ex-wife freaked out and aborted when she saw that
Tom Cruise Is eating a log of L. Ron Hubbard’s shit
They saved it from the last time he took a dump before he croaked
Tom thinks it gives him extra power so that he can make shitty movies and abuse his wife.
He’s elderly, but the turd keeps him young
The turd and about $50 million worth of plastic surgery
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4. |
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I flushed a pizza down the toilet
Because I could no longer justify its existence
Twenty birds attacked my skull and arm
And then a calliope joined NATO
Dog anus from outer space
Bring me a coupon for a dollar off the salad bar
I may not be able to see the afterschool special today
I might have to clean my room
Mom said a little bit of pig feces on the floor is fine
But it’s just too much right now
Chorus
Whatever happened to cool video game graphics
Like the ones in Asteroids
It was amazing to see how detailed the spaceship was
First time I beheld it, it took my breath away
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5. |
Robo-Putin
01:44
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Vladimir Putin is a robot
A human cannot hold their facial features so still
Donald Trump has a remote control
And plays out his fantasies using his automaton in Russia
He always wanted to start a war
Now he can have one with his remote control Putin
Donald Trump sits there with his coke in Mar-a-lago
Beating off while he makes his robot Putin take his shirt off and climb onto the back of a horse
Just like when he was jerking off watching the rednecks
Break into the Capitol wearing body paint and horns
Robot Putin wears underwear that says “Trump 2024” on it
That guy is a robot
What the hell does he need underwear for?
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6. |
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What does celebrity do?
I need to know, so do you
What does celebrity say?
Is celebrity straight or gay?
Every celebrity life
Is more important than mine
Every celebrity is more of a person
Than you or I
Turn on TV find out things
About person who acts or sings
Sports star too, let’s not forget
Your life’s not worth two shits
Chorus
All that matters is the rich
On their skin, we’re just a rash
But make some money if you can
Celebrities depend upon your cash
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7. |
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A truck tire put its booger on my resume
As a result I did not get the job
I tried to explain I was not to blame
But they thought I was a slob
The hamburglar came to my house
And took a shit in the fax machine
It wasn’t what I wanted for lunch
But I had it with baked beans
Sorry for the weasel droppings
Sorry about my teeth
Sorry I wasted your time this morning
Talking nonstop about Brian Keith
Can’t we stop the arguments
About who has the worst tattoos?
Burt Reynolds sold his vomit to NBC
But that’s not exactly news
Puberty hit that kid real hard
So he could hardly even see
People of German heritage are often such assholes
Just take a look at me
Chorus
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8. |
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Music is a waste of my time
Some shit I call music is more like a crime
Don’t even bother, just turn it off
Maybe just listen to the new record by Off!
But don’t listen to anything
Don’t listen to me
Don’t listen to music
Be deaf and be free
I like to make songs that make you sick
This one right here should do the trick
Never much effort, never much thought
I sincerely think that I ought to be shot
Chorus
Take this CD and throw it away
Don’t wait a minute, do it today
There’s no entertainment value in any of this
Soak this CD in gallons of piss
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9. |
World War III
01:29
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World War 3 starts today
Throw your fucking life away
It’s all worth it just for some asshole’s ego
And our former president thinks it’s a great idea
Everyone gets killed
Everyone in the world
Get ready while earth
Circles the toilet bowl
Conquest is always number one
Fuck it all, let’s invade the sun
What is the point of even trying?
Line up here and start your dying
Chorus
We can die much harder and faster this time
Be like my grandpa and get shot in the spine
It’s time for us all to be part of the plan
Just so one shithead can feel like a big man
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10. |
Dog Story!
01:17
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Dog story on the news
Dog returns home after being lost
Dog makes person feel better
Put that shit on the news
It’s important, it’s important
It’s important, it’s important
I feel good because dog
Is reunited with people
Dog warms our hearts
Dog numbs our minds
Chorus
Look at what that dog did
Watch it on the news
See it on facebook
Don’t forget to click the like button
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