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Food Fortunata - How Could Music Be Any Worse?

by Wheelchair Full of Old Men

/
1.
Every chocolate bar is unique Except the one that are mass produced By fascists to oppress the people A tool of the pigs who steal our souls And bury us in the horror And stench of the battlefield So that we will do their bidding And purchase Hershey bars at Walgreens Rise up – refuse to be a tool of the government Rise up – don’t buy candy at the drug store Jellybeans have been called The top mechanism of suppressing The will of otherwise intelligent individuals Allowing us to be beaten down Into submission to head out to Rite Aid And buy the one pound bag Of Brach’s jellybeans to put in an Easter basket Rise up – don’t be fooled Rise up – quit buying the candy of your death
2.
When it came right down to it, Todd was dumb His arms were long, his toes were numb From being out in the northern chill Popping zits and popping pills He ate the Atlantic ocean For thanksgiving dinner No one could ever accuse him Of being a winner Ziploc baggies full of dice Left floating upon blocks of ice Todd had a coloring book with pictures of dogs He listened to albums by Costes and Smog Chorus Just because he wore a shirt Some folks thought his mind was dirt Todd knew some people who owned goats He sold his kidney to buy a boat Chorus
3.
Creepy Tom Cruise munches on a petrified turd It tastes like apple pie he thinks Tom Cruise, all-American pimp Tough action hero in space He has a tattoo of L.Ron Hubbard’s face on his dick His ex-wife freaked out and aborted when she saw that Tom Cruise Is eating a log of L. Ron Hubbard’s shit They saved it from the last time he took a dump before he croaked Tom thinks it gives him extra power so that he can make shitty movies and abuse his wife. He’s elderly, but the turd keeps him young The turd and about $50 million worth of plastic surgery
4.
I flushed a pizza down the toilet Because I could no longer justify its existence Twenty birds attacked my skull and arm And then a calliope joined NATO Dog anus from outer space Bring me a coupon for a dollar off the salad bar I may not be able to see the afterschool special today I might have to clean my room Mom said a little bit of pig feces on the floor is fine But it’s just too much right now Chorus Whatever happened to cool video game graphics Like the ones in Asteroids It was amazing to see how detailed the spaceship was First time I beheld it, it took my breath away
5.
Robo-Putin 01:44
Vladimir Putin is a robot A human cannot hold their facial features so still Donald Trump has a remote control And plays out his fantasies using his automaton in Russia He always wanted to start a war Now he can have one with his remote control Putin Donald Trump sits there with his coke in Mar-a-lago Beating off while he makes his robot Putin take his shirt off and climb onto the back of a horse Just like when he was jerking off watching the rednecks Break into the Capitol wearing body paint and horns Robot Putin wears underwear that says “Trump 2024” on it That guy is a robot What the hell does he need underwear for?
6.
What does celebrity do? I need to know, so do you What does celebrity say? Is celebrity straight or gay? Every celebrity life Is more important than mine Every celebrity is more of a person Than you or I Turn on TV find out things About person who acts or sings Sports star too, let’s not forget Your life’s not worth two shits Chorus All that matters is the rich On their skin, we’re just a rash But make some money if you can Celebrities depend upon your cash
7.
A truck tire put its booger on my resume As a result I did not get the job I tried to explain I was not to blame But they thought I was a slob The hamburglar came to my house And took a shit in the fax machine It wasn’t what I wanted for lunch But I had it with baked beans Sorry for the weasel droppings Sorry about my teeth Sorry I wasted your time this morning Talking nonstop about Brian Keith Can’t we stop the arguments About who has the worst tattoos? Burt Reynolds sold his vomit to NBC But that’s not exactly news Puberty hit that kid real hard So he could hardly even see People of German heritage are often such assholes Just take a look at me Chorus
8.
Music is a waste of my time Some shit I call music is more like a crime Don’t even bother, just turn it off Maybe just listen to the new record by Off! But don’t listen to anything Don’t listen to me Don’t listen to music Be deaf and be free I like to make songs that make you sick This one right here should do the trick Never much effort, never much thought I sincerely think that I ought to be shot Chorus Take this CD and throw it away Don’t wait a minute, do it today There’s no entertainment value in any of this Soak this CD in gallons of piss
9.
World War 3 starts today Throw your fucking life away It’s all worth it just for some asshole’s ego And our former president thinks it’s a great idea Everyone gets killed Everyone in the world Get ready while earth Circles the toilet bowl Conquest is always number one Fuck it all, let’s invade the sun What is the point of even trying? Line up here and start your dying Chorus We can die much harder and faster this time Be like my grandpa and get shot in the spine It’s time for us all to be part of the plan Just so one shithead can feel like a big man
10.
Dog Story! 01:17
Dog story on the news Dog returns home after being lost Dog makes person feel better Put that shit on the news It’s important, it’s important It’s important, it’s important I feel good because dog Is reunited with people Dog warms our hearts Dog numbs our minds Chorus Look at what that dog did Watch it on the news See it on facebook Don’t forget to click the like button

about

Another batch of half-baked songs by Food.
All proceeds from Bandcamp sales of this album will be donated to the people of Ukraine.

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released March 1, 2022

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Wheelchair Full of Old Men Michigan

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