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1. |
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Don’t flip this record over lookin’ for songs
You might think there’s some there but you would be wrong
Puttin’ songs over yonder just costs way too much
Just listen to this here side and don’t raise a fuss
Can’t afford no other side
But please don’t fret
‘cause the songs wouldn’t be no good anyhow
Most goddamn records, they got two sides
You look for one on this record and I’ll whip your damn hide
But it’s OK ‘cause it won’t go to waste
If you need somewhere to rest your beer, that’s a good place
Can’t afford no other side
But please don’t fret
‘cause the songs wouldn’t be no good anyhow
Only one side to this record here
Now I gotta drink my goddamn beer
Don’t bother me none about this here thing
I’m fed up now and I don’t care to sing
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2. |
Golfing is Dumb
02:26
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Golf is a fool’s game
Hit a little ball around in a field
It’s all the same
But I’d rather get killed
Wearing prissy clothing
And you look like the dim-witted sort
If you’re into self loathing
It will be your kind of sport
Golfing is dumb
Why do I want a ball
To go into a little hole?
I wouldn’t care at all
Unless I was a shrew or mole
It’s a damn shame
To see a grown man do a thing like that
Golf is so lame
And I’m too lazy and fat
Golfing is dumb
It’s a nice sunny day
And you’re looking for something to do
Now I’m gonna say
A good idea for you
Put away them clubs
And get yourself a dozen beers
Don’t play golf
And ruin a perfectly good summer drinkin’ day
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3. |
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You’re making such a ruckus while I’m tryin’ to drink
Tryin’ to remember where I put my whiskey but I can’t even think
You can stick that motorcycle up your ass
You can stick that motorcycle clean up your ass
That goddamn noisy thing is givin’ me aches in my head
You’re revving the engine and I wish that you was dead
Chorus
Ride down the road and you scared off a deer
Now I’m damn mad because you made me spill my beer
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4. |
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Mowing the lawn while you are drunk
It sounds like a decent way to get a miserable job done
But I mean to tell you that it’s a mistake
Shit, I almost killed myself using a rake
I ran over my poor old hounddog’s tail
He jumped up and done knocked over a pail
The pail was full of moonshine from the still
Then the dog scared a porcupine that stuck my ass with a quill
I cut off my big toe ‘cause I just couldn’t see
Blind drunk mowing ain’t no plan for me
Old Doc Wilson was drunk when I came in
To get it sewed back on and he stitched it to my chin
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Wheelchair Full of Old Men Michigan
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