Get all 363 Wheelchair Full of Old Men releases available on Bandcamp and save 90%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Dog Of The Hair - Dog Of The Hair, Food Fortunata - My Mind is an Awful Place, Jayden Mont / Food Fortunata - split, Flesh For Frank - Delerium Tremens, Dunce - Songs of Hate and Repulsion, 100 Story Building Drowning in Cum - Oi! Freak / Wheelchair Full of Old Men, Forms of Insanity - Forms of Insanity/Cesspools of Life, ARMLESS AND ANGRY - Rejected, and 355 more.
1. |
Vomit On My Bible
01:36
|
|||
|
There’s vomit on my bible
I got drunk and I threw up
There’s vomit on my bible
How’m I to get into heaven now?
That book tells of a man
To wash away my sins
He ain’t got enough time
Even to begin
There’s vomit on my bible
The goodest book there ever was
There’s vomit on my bible
Ain’t no one gonna forgive me
The book said if I studied
The life of this man
I’d be put into god’s
Good old heavenly plan
But I’m losin’ all my faith now
I see the way things are
Gonna get me good and drunk
And go wreck up my car
|
||||
2. |
||||
|
The good book tells a story of a man
Who helped the blind see and the lame stand
But he ain’t never helped me in any way
No matter how goddamn hard I tried to pray
Jesus is just another stranger to me
He ain’t the savior he was supposed to be
I get drunk and I pray for some help
But then I wake up and I’m still myself
Who told you that he’d fix your woes?
Who told you that he’d smite your foes?
That messiah don’t care a bit about me or you
Just the folks with the money but that’s nothing new
Chorus
Jesus stabbed me right in the back
I got drunk and I sat on a tack
Went right in my ass and it hurt like hell
I ran out the door and I fell down the well
Chorus
So keep your church and keep your hymns
I give my soul to whiskey and gin
|
||||
3. |
Fallin' Down the Well
05:05
|
|||
|
Like I said in the other song, I fell down a well
Now I have this goddamn story to tell
Down in the murky darkness and haze
I thought that’s where I would spend the rest of my days
Fallin’ down the well
About half way down to hell
Yellin’ for some help
But ain’t no one hear’d my yelp
Sure I was drunk, what did you think?
I just throwed up in the kitchen sink
Staggered outdoors to use the outhouse
Stepped in some dog shit and tripped over a mouse
Chorus
Lookin’ up now at the light from above
I got shit in my eye from a fly-over dove
I swear if I ever get out of this hole
I’ll kill that damn dog for the shit from his asshole
|
||||
4. |
||||
|
I’m sick of steppin’ all over his shit
He eats up my possum when I cook it
He smells like a pile of garbage and howls
At the full moon while he empties his bowels
That damn dog’s got to go
Don’t want him around here any more
That damn dog’s got to go
I kick him in the ass right out the door
From his ma’s litter, my dog was the runt
He’s useless whenever Bob and me hunt
Barks at the deer and scares it away
Don’t know how to fetch, don’t know how to stay
Chorus
Teachin’ that old cur to obey is a joke
He’s dumb as a rock and stubborn as a goat
I fell in the lake and called him to save me
He stood just as still as a dead maple tree
Chorus
|
||||
5. |
Pert Near Drowned
01:44
|
|||
|
No one to lend me a goddamned hand
Sinkin’ to the bottom and gettin’ stuck in the sand
There I saw my life flash in front of my eye
I couldn’t care less, I sure as shit wouldn’t cry
I pert near drowned
In that lake that is more of a cesspool
I pert near drowned
As the full moon hung in the sky
Lungs full of water, I resigned to my fate
Sad to miss out on all the things yet to hate
I done nothin’ useful, I done nothin’ but drink
Sayin’ goodbye to all that as I sink
Chorus
Nothin’ to regret, nothin’ to rejoice
Y’all can be happy you won’t no more hear my voice
But just as I thought that it sure was the end
Got yanked out by Bob, the worst kind of friend
Chorus
|
||||
6. |
||||
|
While I was under the water, I had time for some thinkin’
I spent my whole life just a cussin’ and drinkin’
I got in fights at church and embarrassed my family
Ain’t no wonder that they up and disowned me
I done lived me a rotten life
But it looks like I ain’t quite done
I’m sure I can do a lot more wrong
Before I get put in the ground
I cussed out the reverend when he told me not to drink
Everyone told me I was a no good low down fink
When I accidentally ran over old Mrs. Standish with my truck
Just a good example of my streak of rotten luck
Chorus
It ain’t my fault, I tell you, I know that I’ve been cursed
I done my best, but everyone says I’m the worst
Guess I can’t argue with that none, I’m an awful stupid man
Dumb and drunk forever, it’s my pathetic hopeless plan
|
||||
7. |
Dumb, Drunk Loser
01:39
|
|||
|
Dumb, drunk loser
Stupid worthless boozer
I’m destined to remain
All my days in awful pain
When I’m passed out on the floor
No need to walk around
Step right on my head
And kick me in the gut
Got no ambition
Got no convictions
Content to put a bottle in my mouth
And waste away
Chorus
Drunk’s how I was born
Drunk is how I’ll die
I don’t regret nothin’
I ain’t gonna lie
Chorus
Sit in front of the TV
Imagine that I got some friends
I’m gonna make a guess right now
That this is how it ends
|
||||
8. |
||||
|
When I’m good and drunk, I can almost fool myself
Into believing that I got some friends
They’re Archie Bunker and Fred Sanford
It’s Andy Griffith and Barney Fife
If I didn’t have tv, I’d have no friends
I feel like I’m part of the family when I watch the
Beverly Hillbillies
I think Jethro’s a downright fine fella
I’ve been drinking myself blind with the gang at Cheers
Shelly Long is a purty lady, I’ll tell you what
If I didn’t have tv, I’d have no friends
The fellas at the MASH 4077 unit
With their still in the tent
I feel like I’m almost there when I take a
Swaller of moonshine
|
||||
9. |
||||
|
I can’t wait a whole lot longer
For myself to start to get drunk
Take another gulp from the jug
And just lie there like a slug
Waitin’ for the moonshine to take hold
Waitin’ for the moonshine to take hold
Why do I have to wait so long
Bein’ sober seems so wrong
I can’t abide by not being passed out
Drinkin’ from the still like a stupid trout
Swillin’ hooch all day but still don’t feel a thing
Just can’t help but wondering
Waitin’ for the moonshine to take hold
Waitin’ for the moonshine to take hold
|
||||
10. |
||||
|
What do you want from me?
What are you hopin’ to see?
Not a thing I’m gonna do
Drunk as shit and feelin’ blue
Ain’t no reason to even try
If I said there was, that would be a lie
Givin’ up is the best thing I do
Losing at everything, that’s nothing new
Trumpet solo
Failure is what I do for a living
I done wrecked my life and I ain’t forgiving
No way to redeem myself so I just don’t care
I don’t mind it, life’s never fair
Chorus
Looking for the sun to shine today
Forget that shit, there ain’t no way
The world is rotten all the way through
Not a damn thing that you can do
Chorus
|
||||
11. |
||||
|
You’re lookin’ at the world and thinkin’ it can’t get no worse
Guess again, the world is doomed and cursed
You step in some shit and you figure that’s it
But what you didn’t notice is that the world is nothing but shit
And nothin’ ain’t gonna get no better
Not now, not later
Nothin’ ain’t gonna get no better
That’s the damn miserable truth of it
I lost my lucky fishin’ hat and so I didn’t catch no fish
I woulda lost my lousy trumpet player if I’d got my wish
But that just ain’t the way things work
Face the facts, the world is a jerk
Chorus
Couldn’t start my truck today no matter how I tried
Zeke said he could fix it but that goddamn bastard lied
Now I gotta walk into town to get to the store
And get me a nice old pickle outta the pickle barrel
Chorus
I got down to the store with blisters on my toes
Walked in through the door to see the last pickle grabbed by damn old Joe
I turned around in a huff and stormed off toward the lake
But I didn’t see, in my path a big snake
|
||||
12. |
I Stepped on a Snake
02:52
|
|||
|
Curse my luck and curse my life
I only know misery and strife
And now this here, what a lousy break
I just stepped on a snake
Big and nasty with horrible fangs
Sunk ‘em in my ankle and I yelled out dang
I’m bleedin’ like a stuck pig writhing in pain
The poison’s headed straight for my brain
Luck this rotten just ain’t to be believed
Mother nature and her critters are all against me
Everything seems to want me dead
Guess I’ll just give up and go back to bed
Chorus
Next time I see a woodland critter, I’ll shoot
You think them little rabbits are so damn cute
But you might not believe me even though I will tell
One of them bunnies bit me and it sure hurt like hell
Chorus
I’m runnin’ to hide from all of this mess
I’m lookin’ for somethin’ to help fix my distress
I’m hungry and tired and I’m full of shit
Gotta eat something or I think this is it
Chorus
|
||||
13. |
||||
|
I’m flat broke and I’m stupid as hell
Gotta have something to eat, so I just might as well
Dive into the dumpster and find something to eat
You say that it’s garbage, but it’s my kind of treat
Getting dinner from the dumpster
Free grub makes a good meal
Getting dinner from the dumpster
Pizza, moldy cheese and fried eel
You threw it away, so it’s mine for the taking
I enjoy spoiled milk and all the things that you were baking
Last week or last month, it really don’t matter
You cleaned out your fridge and I got much fatter
Chorus
I encourage you, waste all you like
Throw out your food and I’ll have a bite
Any leftovers and anything spoiled
Anything rotten or rancid or soiled
Chorus
Now that I done gobbled up all your trash
And I still ain’t got no kind of cash
I’m lookin’ around to find some spilled whiskey or beer
You know that is what I always hold dear
Chorus
|
||||
14. |
Get Me Drunk Quick
01:21
|
|||
|
I got no time to waste
I need to get drunk now
I ain’t asking twice
I’m gonna punch a cow
Get me drunk quick
So drunk that I get sick
Get me drunk quick
And I’ll give you my thanks
Being sober makes me so sad
But getting tipsy will make me glad
When I can’t stand, I’m happier yet
A good drunken bender you will never regret
So drunk that I fall down right on the ground
Sick as a dog who got put in the pound
Stumbling and falling and lookin’ the fool
Fell face first in the shit of that mule
|
||||
15. |
||||
|
They say there’s no feelin’ where there’s no sense
I guess it’s true, but it kinda depends
My brain don’t work so good, that’s a fact
So when the mule kicked my head, why’d it hurt so damn bad?
The Old Mule done kicked me in the head again
The Old Mule done kicked me in the head again
It’s happened so many times I lost count
Guess it don’t much matter what the amount
What possible difference could it make now?
I’m already dumber than Bob’s wife Girly Sow
The Old Mule done kicked me in the head again
The Old Mule done kicked me in the head again
I’m long since resigned to my fate to be stupid
Got shot in the ass by an arrow from cupid
But I’m such a moron that I fell in love with a can
That used to be filled with delicious Spam
The Old Mule done kicked me in the head again
|
||||
16. |
Spam is Good Eatin'
03:14
|
|||
|
You say you don’t like the smell of this meat
I know it is what I would like to eat
You put it on toast or you make you a stew
I damn well sure as hell know what I’ll do
I’m gonna eat some Spam
I am what I am
I ain’t Popeye, I don’t like spinach
I’m eatin’ Spam, so let me finish!
Ain’t no use trying to get me to quit
I’ll eat it all day and never tire of it
It’s so tasty cooked and it’s tastier raw
I done growed up on it thanks to my ma
Chorus
If you care for your children, you know what you’ll do
You’ll raise ‘em on Spam and one day they’ll thank you
When they’re all growed up right and gots kids of their own
That they’ll feed on Spam until they are grown
That’s called the circle of life in the bible
|
||||
17. |
Spittoon
01:33
|
|||
|
it's an instrumental, ain't no words
|
||||
Wheelchair Full of Old Men Michigan
Check out
www.discogs.com/seller/FoodFortunata/profile
for physical versions of some of these titles and more
If you like Wheelchair Full of Old Men, you may also like:
Die Legendären Virtuosen
by Barbarossas Rhabarber Barbaren
supported by 5 fans who also own “Cauliflower Ass and Bob - Hopeless...Worthless...Pointless”
This is long and beautiful 😑
go to album
Captain Three Leg / Burt Bacharach
by Captain Three Leg / Burt Bacharach
supported by 4 fans who also own “Cauliflower Ass and Bob - Hopeless...Worthless...Pointless”
go to album
Discography 1995-1997
by Ecostench
supported by 4 fans who also own “Cauliflower Ass and Bob - Hopeless...Worthless...Pointless”
A drunken zombie carousel. I'm in.
go to album
From the first deadened cowbell to the last dissonant guitar interval, Dutch quartet Geo's new record is shaped for impact.
go to album
Rising Austrian band compliment phased-out garage rock shredding with eccentric synths and lo-fi drum loops.
go to album
featured on Bandcamp Radio Apr 12, 2024
go to album
Grindcore Penitentiary
by Wadge
supported by 4 fans who also own “Cauliflower Ass and Bob - Hopeless...Worthless...Pointless”
This might be one of my favorite grindcore recordings ever. Its fast, funny and anyone that says anal sausage should be respected 🤘🤘
go to album
