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Food Fortunata - A Jerk for All Times

by Wheelchair Full of Old Men

/
1.
Burn a clock with your fire starting eyes You stand very tall but we'll beat you down to size The best way to explain it is that a dog puked on a ham My feet turned into chocolate but that's just how I am Football player fumble ball Referee make big call Crowd dumb cheers Bob spills beers We want our hearts to be a grape so dad will be amused Arms fell off and jesus barked which just made mom confused Snapped in the ass by a towel is an awful way to die Ice cream made from paper clips is great when served with pie Chorus Tony can't stop going shit because it's a full moon The man who is on the news looks like a big buffoon What's the harm in knitting? It's better than an owl So we'll all fall down the stairs and empty out our bowels
2.
Drinking coffee is all I have left Gone is the sex, drugs and rock n roll Kissed that mess goodbye long ago It’s fun to be old Fascinating lifestyle Exactly the one I said I’d never have Cookies and too much cheese It might not sound like rebellion But it’s the best I can manage These days Chorus I’m watching the news I’m complaining about shit I guess it makes me feel like I’ve made a contribution Chorus I wonder how much more of this I have to look forward to
3.
It’s a lot of fun to know that you really won this election Oh yeah you did You won it by negative eight million votes Look at all your followers refusing to listen to you now They say that the vaccine is so wrong for them And so then If they don’t get vaccinated Maybe they’ll die Then who will vote for you? It’s a really weird problem You like to take credit for the vaccine But now they said that it’s evil It infringes upon their freedom Oh, that’s too bad Who’s gonna vote for you now? Who will vote for you? If they happen to die? Then you can win by negative one hundred million votes
4.
Special? Are we really? Let’s not pretend Let’s find the inside of a cave One that’s filled with shit We’ll live there for a while And by that, I mean forever Pretty cool isn’t it? Get lost, this is our cave You can’t even have One square millimeter of it It’s all ours And we need every bit of it There’s no room to spare Even though it goes on for miles We need all of that for ourselves We can’t share our cave Our shit filled cave It’s our magic time Fuck you
5.
Cut to pieces Cut to ribbons And what does it do for you? More than you know Liberace Mouse feces And that's a perfect rhyme Taken apart Taken to task And what does it get you? Only a headache James Joyces' Ulysses Koala feces Another perfect rhyme Lost at sea At a loss for words And does anyone appreciate it? Not a one of us Eric Boucher Llama dung A rhyme once again
6.
Eighty brains got tossed in the grass Over there near the portable toilet As long as no one steps on them They should still be useful for something But we’ll just have to wait and see Once someone tries to put those things Into action Everything will become clear But hamburgers are best for working things out You are not even going to believe How much anarchy will appeal to you Next After you feel the stiffness of a brain that you found right out in the grass next to the portable toilet
7.
Connect a diamond to a toad with a length of elastic Don't listen to them when they say such an action is too drastic Our teeth began to fall apart because we wore a shirt Puking on a clown certainly can never hurt Charming locks of hair have been used as a garnish at your favorite high-end restaurant. You are willing to pay $35 for the privilege of ordering this dish Hairpin, lightbulb and musical mice Hate them once, love them twice Ambivalence is the best way to go Pissing your name into the snow
8.
When you were 10 years old And you first ate a tab of acid Your parents were supportive of your endeavors They knew you were exploring Trying to find your way in the world Your He-Man action figure got pregnant Everyone thought you were the father Dummies And at age 11 you stabbed a kangaroo to death When you were at the zoo Fifteen kids watched and laughed It was real confusing to the media representatives who had gathered for a reason that we couldn’t understand
9.
Being mean to everyone Is fucking cool as fuck It’s certainly a lot greater Than acting like a human being That’s straight up for squares And you might as well just Quit your entire life If that’s the way you’re planning To behave Cruelty is excellent Way better than compassion Put all that empathy in the garbage Or jam it up your ass What a damn waste Of human behavior To get along with one another Dumbass Purely You are a dumbass
10.
Stan the Man 02:05
I'll never graduate if I'm as dumb as you are I put all my leftover Razzles in a jar I accidentally only listen to Bauhaus these days My skin is bleached by the sun's rays Quit while you still can Review the statistics of the ballplayer they call Stan the Man Pizza crusts left on GG Allin's grave Ain't no question in your mind, this is the man who saved Saved you from yourself saved you from the world And it's the reason your pubic hairs are curled Chorus Words are hard to spell that's not my fault A very good hurdler was named Willie Gault One day long ago, I removed my own spleen You always thought Greg Ginn was the lead singer of Queen
11.
Only Greg 02:25
A broken burrito split the earth into about 34 chunks Much like an atomic bomb would or a dozen pissed off monks Hurtling through space, we can't help but smile At the human entrails sitting there in a pile Who knew it would end this way Obviously only Greg No alien shot lazers down from the sky Only the knife of some paraplegic guy It's monumentally difficult to really care We are only going to wipe our asses with your Care Bear Chorus

about

This will be available in CD form pretty soon. Check on discogs in the coming weeks if you're interested.

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released January 16, 2022

Written, recorded, mixed and re-mixed January 14 - 16, 2022.
A complete waste of three days!

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Wheelchair Full of Old Men Michigan

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